For the better part of 15 years, like many founders and tech guys, I chased success like my life depended on it — because, deep down, I believed it did.
Money raised. Stock options. IPOs. My name on Techcrunch. CNBC. WSJ. BI and working at Google. GetJar. Glue Mobile. The list of accomplishments kept growing, and from the outside, it looked like I was living the dream. But the higher I climbed, the more hollow it all began to feel.
I remember when Google hired me to run marketing for Google play, a popular blog ran a story titled: Google hires Mork. Crowns him King of Apps. Or something to that effect.
My ego was so big, I needed to book two seats when traveling. I could do no wrong. I was f***ing untouchable.
The turning point came in 2017 at Course Hero, when I was fired from my role as CMO. I’d poured everything into that job. I thought if I just pushed a little harder, closed the right hire, nailed the metrics — I’d prove my worth again.
I had poured so much of my effort and soul into this job. Into this startup and into my career that I’d neglected my wife, kids, friends and health. So when I was let go, it all crumbled like some flimsy-ass sandcastle. Washed away by the surf.
For the first time in 20 years of career, I asked myself: What if success isn’t the point? What if I’ve been climbing up the wrong freakin mountain?
Looking back, the seeds were planted long before that. My father — a sharp, ambitious INSEAD (Top 5 MBA program) grad — modeled success as the only acceptable currency. I followed his footsteps from business school into high-stakes corporate roles, startups and later starting my own ventures thinking that earning his approval meant earning love.
Add in the culture of Silicon Valley — where everyone’s chasing unicorns and exits — and I was primed to believe that achievement equals value.
That belief? It cost me. Dearly.
It cost me my health. My presence with my kids. My marriage. I was a burned-out shell of a man, often checked out, numbing myself with video games or lost in anxiety over work. I was the sad fuck at my daughter’s soccer games with my laptop on my knees, working. I wasn’t there for the people who mattered most — because I was too busy proving I mattered at all.
And then came Jim — my coach, my mirror. With his guidance and his ability to surgically peel back the onion layers of my fragile ego, I started asking the real questions:
What do I want? Why do I want it? What’s this all really for?
I learned that my drive wasn’t rooted in love for the work — it was rooted in fear. Fear of not being enough. Fear of not being seen. My personality type (the “Consul or ESFJ” for those who’ve done 16Personalities) thrives on helping others, but nothing about my job allowed that part of me to breathe.
I wasn’t really helping others at work. I was only focused on helping myself or selling more of some BS SaaS platform, mobile apps or mobile ad placements.
So I stopped. I stepped off the treadmill. And I began the hard work of building a new definition of success — one rooted in significance.
Today, I speak on stages around the world about the importance of resilience and purpose. Why they make a difference and why the world needs them.
I coach founders, executives, and high achievers not just to win — but to matter. I write. I serve. I show up. I give a shit.
But staying grounded in significance is a practice, not a finish line. Here’s what helps me stay anchored when I start feeling scared or worry too much about my own success or how much money I’m not making:
- Daily gratitude: I write down five things every morning that I’m thankful for. It wards off fear and reminds me of what truly matters.
- Meditation: It keeps me present, aware of my triggers, and less reactive to my saboteurs — especially the “hyperachiever” that still lurks inside. Want to know your saboteurs? Do the assessment here.
- Boundaries: I don’t work past a certain time. I protect weekends. I say no to clients who aren’t aligned. I don’t work with assholes. These aren’t luxuries — they’re survival strategies.
- Holistic habits: Quality sleep. Clean food. Daily movement. Deep connections. I track my impact now — how many people I’m reaching, helping, serving — not just dollars or downloads.
- Keep the faith: I attend Church every Sunday. Give thanks to the Lord for what I have and surrender to the fact that I can’t understand and control everything, but that if I’m a good person, serve others and stay grateful, when shit hits the fan “this too shall pass.”
The way to stay grounded, calm and to weather the storm as a founder is simple if you remember this:
Success is about you. Your money, fame, influence. Significance is about others and the impact you have on them. When you shift your mindset from success to significance, your world changes.
How do we do that as founders? Start by thinking of the following questions as they relate to your startup:
- What are we we’re passionate about?
- What does the world (our community or ideal customer profile) need?
- What we are exceptional at doing?
- and importantly, what we can get paid for doing?
The intersection of those four questions is your company’s purpose and when you build a company driven by what Peter Diamandis and Salim Ismael call Massive Transformational Purpose in their book Exponential Organizations, you don’t build a Unicorn. You build something far greater and more valuable.
Moving from success to significance for me means hearing from someone after a keynote that my words helped them heal and find their path. It means dinner with a friend who just needed someone to listen. It means helping a founder find a powerful insight that leads to a massive change in how they operate. It means showing up for my kids — present, calm, joyful and being a good father.
So let me leave you with this simple exercise:
Picture your 80th birthday. Glasses are raised in your honor and each guest speaks to the legacy of your life and contribution. What do you want each of them to say?
Don’t just aspire to build a company, aspire to build a legacy. When you focus on significance instead of success, you move from focusing on your own success to focusing on the success of others and last time I checked, it’s teams that build companies, not individuals.
“To truly be successful, aim for significance.” — Tim Tebow.
Patrick
PS — I inspire, educate and entertain audiences worldwide with my talks on Resilience, Change and high performance teams. I coach top founders and CEO’s around the world and run workshops on leadership for teams. If any of these sound like options that could take you and your team to the next level, reach out by booking some time here.